Daily question

I have no problem with people letting off steam and having a 'moan' or getting things off their chest. In fact, I would positively encourage it. This is called 'wallowing' in the Shut Up and Move On book - which I would recommend. There is credibility in the statement 'a problem shared is a problem halved'. I often allow my husband to come home from a long day of studying or a night shift at work and talk at me for ten minutes without a breath. I say talk 'at' me rather purposefully. I do not intervene. I do not suggest solutions to the issues he is in need of discussing. I do not 'side' with him and to be honest, I do not even always listen intently. The listening in this instance is not always important. The 'getting it out in the open and making sense of it in my head' is. However, in order to not stay in that place for too long, a time limit should be placed on the wallowing activity. My husband will stop himself after a short fueled stint, sigh and say something like 'sorry, I just needed to unload'.
I would try and follow this 'rant' up with a question such as 'So, tell me one thing that was good about today?'. This then leads onto a conversation which takes a much more positive slant and clears any negativity lurking in the air.

The counteract your excuses approach

So, people often ask me about motivation and how to tackle procrastination. There are many ways but one which has come to light for me personally, very recently, is the 'counteract your excuses' approach.

Let me explain.

I recently joined a gym. This gym is over 4 floors, machines I have never seen, people, sweat, designer clothing, weights, the lot. The night I signed up it was very busy and there were no staff on hand to show me round and set me a programme. i was also with my husband and he wasn't keen to stick around. So, card in in hand - I left without so much as taking my coat off.

I then became aware of using language like 'I may' go to the gym on this day and 'I'll try to get there on.....' Not hugely committed to the cause. So, I decided to take a different approach. I thought about all possible excuses I may use to get me out of using my new gym facilities:
* I may not have time
* I may not feel happy about the clothes I brought
* I may get hungry
* I may be in late
I then decided on solutions to each of the above.
* I checked the time the gym closed so I knew when to leave my work in order to get there on time
* I brought a choice of 2 clothing garments
* i ate before I left
* I told my husband I would be in late as I was going to the gym

This meant, that come the time, I had nothing left in me other than going to gym. Try it, you'll likely frustrate yourself at first for having no wiggle room and then hopefully you'll realise the good you are doing.

Hope in The Help

I saw a preview of The Help at the cinema last night. I had not read the book beforehand and knew very little about what I was going to see.

I would highly recommend this movie as I felt quite moved by it. I won't give away any of it for those, like me, who may know nothing about it.

However, I love to see hope keeping people strong when there is little else to be motivated by and seeking opportunity when there appears to be none.

Go see it!

Have dones and to do's

I always find the month of October a little poignant. It's a time when the nights start getting darker and I always seem to reflect more than other months. I think this is perhaps down to its position within the calendar. It's a time where I feel I should have achieved the majority of my yearly 'to do' list and reaffirm if I am able to complete on those left before the year is over.

So, I would like to share some of my own key achievements as a way of self-coaching and giving myself a public pat on the back which is a great motivational tool and should spur me on to make a start on those activities which have been placed under the bed since January.

1/ I have travelled well this year with visits to Morocco, London, Dublin, THe Highlands, Stornoway, Inveraray and Portugal. Three of which I have never been to before.

2/ I set up a savings account and began paying into it regularly - it's not a big amount but it is a start.

3/ I set up a private pension (something that has been on my mind for years and I've finally nailed!).

4/ I ran a 10k in May - a massive achievement for me.

5/ I have achieved a steady flow of clients

6/ I bought my first piece of art (with husband)

7/ I regularly treat myself with massages, facials, spa days etc. This is one of the few ways I can totally relax so it's really important to me.

8/ I have challenged and changed my thinking about social events and really look forward to each one now rather than my previous negative thinking about how much of my time they were taking up.


If you have let your resolutions slip or if you've simply forgotten what you had planned for this year, take some time now to look back (I had to use my diary) on what you have been up to. It's best to do this with someone so you can share your experiences and praise one another for your efforts.

Quote of the day

People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

Run for your life

I have recently completed my first 10k race in Stornoway. This was a massive personal achievement for me.
I remember all too well two years ago when I was training for my first 5k, unable to imagine running for a whole thirty minutes. Once I had completed that, people quite rightly asked 'when are you doing a 10k?'. Again, my thoughts turned to negativity 'I can't imagine running for an hour'. During training for this, I realised I was getting closer to this target and flipped my thinking to 'imagine crossing that finish line'. Now that I have done this, I am now thinking about my next race. Although I am not yet signing up to a half marathon, I am NOT ruling it out. I have learned (or relearned) that you can push your body and moving the goal posts is an essential part of succeeding in life.

Make time, make the call, make a difference

I communicate very much how most people in this day and age do; email, text and facebook. In doing this, I often forget when the last time I actually spoke to someone was. It feels as though I am in constant contact with friends and family. Yet, if I sit down and think about when I last heard their voice, it becomes obvious I don't call people as much as I once did or as much as I may like. People may say that modern technology makes it easier to keep in touch with the ever increasing bank of people they meet. This may be so and although we perhaps know roughly what is going on in someone's life through 'tweets' or 'updates' we miss out on the personal connection that is made with face to face or telephone contact.

I think we also need to consider our thoughts about calling friends and family. I often challenge clients who use phrases such as 'I must get in touch with...' and 'I HAVE to meet up with...'. I ask them if they would be bothered if they never made the call or hooked up for lunch. Generally, when the thought process is unfolded, the negativity disappears. Clients realise that they do want to make the call and they enjoy spending time with the people they are putting off on. I'm not saying this is the case for every meeting but question yourself the next time you moan about ringing a friend for a chat or complain about having family round for dinner. Also, check in with yourself about how you are feeling after the contact is made. This is an important reflection which can change the way you think about the situation the next time.

These thoughts came about for me when I made the decision this week to speak to a number of people by phone. The best call was to a family member who was feeling low at the time. I didn't know she had been on her own for a few days. In fact, there were quite a few things I didn't know about her as it had been so long since I had last rang. Hearing my voice picked her mood right up and she finished the call saying 'you really made my day'. That felt really good. I then went on to ring around a number of other people I hadn't spoken to in a long time. By the end I was energised and geared up for several meetings with them in the near future.

So, put some quality time aside. Set up a night or two at the start of the week where you know you will phone around all the people you want to catch up with. Our lives appear busier these days and often we try to talk with people whilst carrying out another activity; making dinner, watching telly, checking email etc. Imagine how differently our conversations can be if we are giving our undivided attention to the other person.