THE THOUGHT IS USUALLY WORSE THAN THE ACTUAL THING ITSELF

So, I have just returned from the gym at the time of writing this and as I was pumping iron, or sweating like an idiot, I got to thinking. I realised as I was striding on the cross training that I wasn't having such a lame time after all the huffing and puffing I had done earlier.

About three hours before I go to the gym, and this happens every time, I begin to tell those around me how awful it is that I HAVE to go. Everyone makes all the right noises, sighing with me, giving me the 'how bad it must be for you' face and generally feeling my pain. This throws fuel into the fire and just provides me with more reason to moan – I am getting the reaction I want.

But pounding it out in my trackies I think about how I am feeling now that I have made the short walk across the road from my work and undressed then dressed in the cold tiled dressing room. I am feeling okay. Actually, I am feeling rather good. Yes, I am sweaty and unattractive (I have never been bothered by this). Yes, I am getting progressively more physically tired. But I am rather perversely enjoying myself. I like feeling my blood pumping and my heart pounding. These are signs of health and although I could be fitter, I feel healthy. I have my ipod for great tunes and can destress from the day's work. I don't need to talk to anyone or explain myself. I am happily doing my own thing.

And afterwards? Even better. I feel like I am one step closer to achieving my ultimate fitness. I feel great about my motivation and the fact I forced myself to go to the gym. I feel far hungrier for my dinner and therefore, enjoy my food more. I feel vibrant and full of energy.

So, why is it the very next time I go I will, rather predictably, not look forward to it? It seems crazy when I look at the facts. That is because it IS crazy. If I enjoy it at the time and love the after effects then there is no reason not to be excited beforehand.

But I am living in a society where people don't like going to the gym. There are some people to whom this actually applies and they should find another way to get fit – there are hundreds. I get so swept up in the negative emotions surrounded by the gym and what it stands for that I genuinely believe I hate it. I don't and now that I can see this, I am going to change.

I have coached many clients who have similar feelings about other aspects of their lives. One woman had a huge problem with her time consumption over the weekend. This was mainly due to children's activities, clubs, parties etc. Her weekend was so filled with social events, she hated the thought of it becoming Saturday again. On further exploration, we found that actually, there were very few activities she didn' t like 'in the moment'. She told me she was dreading a meal out because it meant even less time at home. Thinking about what the meal meant, she quickly realised she loved going out for food and always enjoyed the event but was filled with anxiety at the thought. These feelings were not based on any reality. With this in mind she was able to relax and see each activity for what it truly was. She now loves Fridays!

Think about which things stress you out and try to understand why. Are your feelings based on any fact? Or do you usually enjoy the event? Try not to get caught up with how others around you react. Enjoy each part of your life for what it actually is. And if you really don't like it, change it.

Banish those Post Christmas Blues

We make new year's resolutions for all kinds of reasons; the start of a new year feels significant and should be marked with new guidelines and guidance, we feel let down by our efforts last year or simply that everyone else is making them and we feel obliged.

Whatever the reasons, it is highly likely that come February the 1st you will either have forgotten your pledge to yourself or have simply crumbled under the constant pressure of life. This leaves us feeling defeated, deflated and disappointed in ourselves. This is no way to banish those post Christmas blues.

We spend hours thinking of the 'ideal' gift to give, we write lists of who we must buy for, we write hundreds of cards needing hundreds of stamps, we go crazy stocking our cupboards with 'nibbly bits' and quirky drinking atire that we don't need and probably won't use. We invite people over for 'festive cheer' and spend more time with the family. We put lights up, we put trees up, we cover our lives in tinsel and a permanent smile. We dress up and go out and socialise with those we would never dream of socialising with in a million years but you do it because it is Christmas and anything goes at this time. We sing songs and eat cake and drink more than we like to. We stay up late and get up early and light the fire.

Then suddenly, we realise the gifts have all been opened, the food has been scoffed, the fire has gone out, the family have left and the tree needs to come down. Our lives which have been hanging at the top of the log flume in excitement for the last few months, have now reached the bottom when we realise we are wet and cold and the thrill is over. Then to top it all off, the credit card bill arrives through the post.

It is little wonder at this time, we choose to make some better choices for ourselves; no alchohol for the month of January, loose that stone you just put on eating turkey and chocolates, start going to the gym, stop going to the pub, pay off that debt. Why is it then, we find it almost impossible to stick to it?

'United Unique' (a partnership of 4 professionally trained life coaches) bring you the answer and just in the nick of time. They are hosting a 3 hour 'Mastering Your Future' workshop in Glasgow, Kelvingrove Museum Saturday 16th January 2010, 10am-1pm.

Their workshop is to help people understand what they really want from their future and how to make inspiring goals to keep them on track to achieve. Learn how to alter what you want in a way that excites and invigorates you everytime you think about it. Find the tools you need to grow your confidence in any situation so you can start this year with a bang. Understand your emotional side and get to know who you are so you can know how best to move forward. Learn positive ways to deal with your negative chatterbox and boost your ego with their positive self talk session.

All this for £35. You can book through their website at www.unitedunique.co.uk by sending the booking form via email to unitedunique4@gmail.com

If you think you want things to be different this year then this workshop is for you. Take control of your future, understand you mind, explore your emotions and get set for the best year of your life. You wont need mince pies and baubles to get you back to the top of that log flume. Just a zest for life and hunger to succeed.

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What if its not right for me? What if I don't like the process? What if after a session I need time to think before booking more?

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Story of the week

http://www.inspirationalstories.com/1/109.html

Chilling out

I am on holiday in the Highlands until Monday 26th October. See you on my return!

Song of the Day

My wonderful husband left this ready to play on our computer for me one morning. I had forgotten how good the lyrics were. Have a listen and enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

Great Expectations

I recently came home from a weeks holiday in Portugal with my family. Unfortunately, my husband couldn't make it so by the end of the week I was really looking forward to seeing him. I had created all these fabulous scenarios in my head about how things would be on my arrival: a huge bunch of flowers at the airport, a huge bunch of flowers at home, a sparkling clean house, candles, a cooked dinner and the fridge full of fresh food. I had only been gone a week but my romantic side told me a week warranted all of these things.

Of course, none of these happened. No flowers, no candles, no food. I knew this would be the reality as I had logically told my brain that he would have been flat out studying at college before undertaking two huge shifts at work prior to collecting me from the airport. He literally would have had no time to do any of the above. But for some reason, our (women's) brains tell us that against all the odds our little illusions may just come true.

So, what happens? Within two minutes of coming home I had checked all the rooms and the fridge and my mood turned quickly from 'I'm so happy to see you' to 'what have you been doing all week?'. My poor husband had no idea what had hit him. 'I did the washing' he pleaded. 'I know you don't like to come home from holiday with washing when there is lots still in the basket'. Unfortunately for him, I had already imagined the overflowing garments of clothing in the basket and had done all my washing on holiday, so his gesture was lost.

'I always make an effort to have the place looking lovely for YOUR return' I comment. 'Yes but I don't really care about that kind of stuff' he retaliates, 'you never have any cold beer in'. And so it goes on...

What I am trying to demonstrate here is our great expectations and how they lead to poor communication and therefore, arguments.

The things in life that I expect from my husband are not the same as what he expects from me. I'm talking about the little things here. So, I prepare our home for his return THE WAY I LIKE IT and visa versa. Now it seems clearer as to why such arguments occur. In order to get to a level of good communication it would surely make more sense just to tell him how I would like things to be. However, i would never dream of demanding such trivial acts off anyone. So, why then do I expect him to telepathically figure them out for himself?

This scenario needs a decision; can I just let it go and recognise our differences or is it going to drive me mad if I don't demand the things I need? I can let it go...

However, there will be times in life when expectations need to be discussed to avoid disappointment and resentment. I have been doing some work with a client who comes home from holidaying with her partner constantly frustrated and with an overwhelming feeling she has been let down.

'I had built the holiday up to be something wonderful before we left. I had expected us to go for walks most days and dine in lovely places. I was looking forward to it but none of that stuff seemed to happen.' I think what people tend to forget when mentally planning out holidays is that the activities can be planned for but the emotional side can only come in the moment. We think about holidays being 'wildly romantic' but can we plan to feel these things before we even get on the plane?

Also, many people think about nothing but their holiday on the lead up to it but rarely discuss their thoughts with their partners. SO, like my client, they get home having done none of the things on their mental list because it simply wasn't talked about. Had she said before she went that she had some ideas, there would be no reason why some if not all couldn't have happened. And why didn't she say? For exactly the same reasons as my scenario above. She EXPECTED her partner to want the same as her.

So, the moral of the story is - don't let your great expectations get the better of you. Discuss them with the person involved if you want them to become a reality. But also appreciate that you are unique and these visions of perfection may not match those of the people around you.