You can if you think you can

I know this title sounds a little 'hippyish'. I'm okay with that, if in theory it works. I definitely advocate thinking positively to clients and those around me. This has got me far in life. I also believe that you can choose how to react to certain events and situations, what mood you are in when you get up. Think about it; you wake up neutral and then take on a mood. So surely this is instigated by yourself.

Anyway, I have struggled in my time with positive affirmations. Strange you may think for a life coach. But can saying something positive about yourself as if it is already happening really help? And does it need to be out loud? I think its the out loud part that got me.

However, I have recently started to jog. I have never before been interested in jogging. It looks dull. I'd rather go to the gym. But this year I have been getting sick urges to break into a sprint rather randomly. So, I pledged in a newspaper article about myself that I would complete a race this year. Committing publicly means I have to do it. I signed up to do the 5k - small steps I thought. Now, I go out with a couple of friends on a Saturday and twice on my own in the week. I am very nearly enjoying it. I think the pleasure is in the fact I am doing something I never thought I would or could.

But my story doesn't end there. I have been finding it very difficult to get motivated this week. Going out on my own is difficult and it almost takes me longer to get geared up to go as it does to actually jog when I finally make it out. Having put my running gear on and ventured out with my stop clock at hand, i trudged along the cycle path. Half way through my training programme I felt tired and heavy as I thumped on the grass. My chatterbox in my head clicked into action telling me 'you're no good at running, look at the state of you all red faced and heavy footed. You'll never make it to the end.' I on the otherhand knew that I could as I had done before. I also knew that whilst I may not be good at it now, I was making an effort which was surely better than not even trying. I then thought I'd try some positive affirmations. I racked my brains to think about what would help at this time. Then as I ran, I began repeating in my head (not out loud) 'I am light and powerful'. Amazingly, this worked wonders and I began bouncing with ease. I completed my training without anymore trouble.

Try it for yourself when you feel something is getting difficult or you feel your mood changing for the worse.

Edinburgh Evening News

This article was in the Evening News 12th February 2009.


http://news.scotsman.com/tenquestions/Ten-Questions-Personal-life-coach.4972829.jp

Quote of the day

Ships in harbor are safe, but that's not what ships are built for.
John Shedd

Website of the day

This website is a fantastic idea.

www.futureme.org

Basically, you email yourself in the future. SO, decide what you want to tell yourself; maybe ask a questions or guess what you might be up to at the time and choose how long away you want it to be sent.I like to send one to myself every six months with motivational quotes.

Try it for yourself.Enjoy!

Changing vocabulary

I recently met up with a good friend of mine. We don't meet up often but when we do we pick up where we left off. Its never awkward. Neither of us feel bad about being 'bad' friends and being terrible at keeping in touch. As far as we are concerned, we do keep in touch. Just not very regularly. We say what needs to be said and part company not knowing when we're next going to see each other. We make no pretense that it will be soon. I would never call him up for a long heart felt chat. Neither would I email him my news. Yet I know we will probably keep seeing each other sporadically for years. Possibly longer than some other friends because of the way we conduct our relationship. I never feel guilty about the length of time it has been since our last meeting. It is an easy friendship to sustain.

We all have friends that serve different purposes. This is important. I have people I would call in a crisis and people I will get in touch with if I need a bit of mad fun. I have the people I go to the pub with and those I meet in cafes. I have people to 'get deep' with and those who I really don't know at all but I can escape with nonsense chat about cartoons. None of them mean any more or less to me. They are all important.

However, I can catch myself saying things like 'I must get in touch with....' and 'I have to go meet...'. I discussed this with my friend recently and he gets agitated when he hears people say this. 'You don't HAVE to do anything' was his reply. He was right. I am making a conscious effort to change the words I use. How much more positive is it to say 'I can't wait to speak to....' and 'I want to meet....' If I do find myself saying I HAVE to meet someone then I will look at the situation and decide what the negative thoughts are around this and deal with them either on my own or with the person in question.

Its like Christmas. I often hear people say 'I have to....' I went away this Christmas on holiday. It was great. I got some well deserved rest and a suntan. I felt nervous telling our families what our plans were but was surprised at the reaction. 'Good for you...' from my parents 'you've inspired us to go next year' from the parents in law. We broke the cycle of 'must do's' and created the idea of 'I want...' If we all do this, we will begin to live the life we truly want rather than the one we 'should be' living.

Understanding and coping with change

Change throughout life is inevitable, yet we still seem unprepared when it happens to us. Maybe that is the key; change happening to us rather than something we have instigated ourselves.

For example, if we have planned to have a family and we get pregnant and then have a baby we are more or less ready for this by the time it happens. Mother nature kindly gave us 9 months to get our head round the idea even if it were a surprise conception. However, if we walk into work on a Monday morning to be told we are no longer needed, this is a blow. Even with the economic market the way it is, we are still unprepared for something of this magnitude.

It is important to follow our personal changes in life in order to cope with situations where change is out with our control. I have coached a client who was faced with redundancy and although this had been a potential risk factor for a number of months, it was too shocking to deal with alone when it happened. We worked together for a number of sessions and discovered the route of the problem was the inability to move forward due to a lack of awareness of what inspired her. She had no idea what she wanted to do. She knew the job she had been in was not right for her but it was ‘comfortable’ and she could get by doing it. Finally, having accepted the changes that had occurred to her over a number of years she was able to build up a new data of her values and beliefs in life. She almost rewrote who she was. This gave her the confidence to venture deeper and discover what she wanted to do. ‘If only I had kept track of who I was as I was changing, this would have been much easier and quicker’. She was right.

We get too caught up in living our lives that we rarely, if ever, stop to reflect. Reflection is a critical part of understanding who we are at any given time. It is easy for us to avoid this, especially in a society where the media are so geared up to tell us what we think. Someone else is doing the hard part for us.

I worked with another client who was having difficulty with a friendship. This friendship had been a good one for years and they were struggling to understand why suddenly there was a huge rift between them. We documented the pattern of the friendship since it had begun. We catalogued important changes. On doing this, my client realised that they had been drifting apart for a number of years. They were now too far down the line to rectify the situation and they felt easier about ending the friendship. Had they met today, they would never have been friends. By understanding changes that happen as they happen, we have two choices. Do you want to alter something to keep the friendship together or are you happy to let the change take place with the possibility of drifting apart? This prevents the situation above where it becomes shocking that a friendship no longer works. We stop believing our friend is the person they were when we met them. We understand we too are different.

Change is always easier when it is something we have driven. We should however, be ready to cope with changes that happen to us. Take time each day or once a week to reflect on situations with friends and family, news stories and work issues. This way we will be more ready to accept as we will have confidence in our decisions.

Quote of the day

It's all knowing what to start with. If you start in the right place and follow all the steps, you will get to the right end.
Elizabeth Moon, The Speed of Dark, 2003