Time Out

So, I have taken a fair amount of time out from updating this blog. I have been very selfish, although I don't always think that is a bad way to be from time to time. I have recently moved from a flat in Edinburgh to a bungalow in a tiny village (and I mean tiny). I have been spending time getting some major work done to the property; ripping out and putting in a new kitchen, as above with the bathroom, installing a new woodburning stove, having a new hot water system installed and an electric boiler and radiators put in. Phew! Now I have to be honest, this was not the plan. At no time did my husband and I discuss that we were looking for a project from a property. I don't think we were looking for a project at all. We are more 'move in and do nothing' type people. It often takes us some time to even change light bulbs. However, I am impressed at how un-phased we were with it all. We saw the property, discussed what work needed to be done and bought it. Then, in small phases we invited trades people to come and do the work and it has happened reasonably smoothly. It is so nice putting your stamp on a property. I have had to alter my 'must have it all happen immediately' approach and adopt one of far greater patience. So, I have been enjoying village life very much indeed. My days (when I'm not working) are spent at the local butchers, buying bread from the bakery, browsing the charity and gift shops, walking along the beach, tending to the garden, cooking and baking, singing at my new singing group (which is incredibly uplifting). My new favourite hobby however, is upcycling pieces of furniture. I love rummaging yards and junk shops for interesting bits and sanding them back and painting them up. It started with my kitchen table. I found an old pine one for £15 off gumtree and chairs from a yard. I then bought a beautiful welsh dresser and did the same. I can't wait to begin my next project! I think it is so important to have hobbies. I go through an array of emotions from joy to pride. So, lots of ME time of late. I am in a wonderfully happy place.

Happy New Year

Just wanted to say a Happy New Year to everyone. I hope you are successful in making lasting changes in 2013.

The eyes of a photographer

One morning last week the mist had settled very low across Edinburgh. As I made my way to work, I noticed hundreds of cobwebs twinkling like a magical maze on a hedge I walk by everyday. I could only see them because of the mist and cold weather. It made me smile immediately. Not that I like spiders or their webs but I was able to glimpse at something that had always been there, yet been invisible until now. The weather allowed me that moment and that made me thankful of the icy chill. For the entire day I then listened to people complain about the drop in degrees, moan about having to 'defrost their car' and sigh when thinking about having to head outside. I then drove passed a photographer who clutched his camera with joy at the eeriness of it all. 'What a great picture this will make' I imagined him thinking. Then, I got to thinking about being a photographer and how this surely makes you more positive than most, as any change in weather/light is about an opportunity, some great picture you may be about to capture. Surely if everyone was to try and get in the mindset of a photographer, we would instinctively notice the beauty around us rather than focussing on the negative. My husband then showed me this photo taken on that same day.

I think it highlights how the person who took it was thinking not of the inconvenience of having to hunt for warmer clothes but how cracking the city in which we live looked at that moment in time.

If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad

I recently ran a workshop on Positive Psychology. This got me scratching my head over what really makes me happy, what makes me smile, when do I laugh out loud? I suggested that the participants make a top 10 list that they can draw upon. And as I try to practice what I preach, here goes... 1/ Most things yellow 2/ Knowing my husband and I can both see the moon when we are apart 3/ Podded peas 4/ My walk to work (complete with ipod and new headphones) 5/ Travel 6/ Dancing in any way shape or form I chose 7/ Seeing someone I love succeed 8/ Hearing my nephews laugh 9/ Duck billed platypus 10/ Writing lists of things that make me happy Write yours now.

Daily question

I have no problem with people letting off steam and having a 'moan' or getting things off their chest. In fact, I would positively encourage it. This is called 'wallowing' in the Shut Up and Move On book - which I would recommend. There is credibility in the statement 'a problem shared is a problem halved'. I often allow my husband to come home from a long day of studying or a night shift at work and talk at me for ten minutes without a breath. I say talk 'at' me rather purposefully. I do not intervene. I do not suggest solutions to the issues he is in need of discussing. I do not 'side' with him and to be honest, I do not even always listen intently. The listening in this instance is not always important. The 'getting it out in the open and making sense of it in my head' is. However, in order to not stay in that place for too long, a time limit should be placed on the wallowing activity. My husband will stop himself after a short fueled stint, sigh and say something like 'sorry, I just needed to unload'.
I would try and follow this 'rant' up with a question such as 'So, tell me one thing that was good about today?'. This then leads onto a conversation which takes a much more positive slant and clears any negativity lurking in the air.

The counteract your excuses approach

So, people often ask me about motivation and how to tackle procrastination. There are many ways but one which has come to light for me personally, very recently, is the 'counteract your excuses' approach.

Let me explain.

I recently joined a gym. This gym is over 4 floors, machines I have never seen, people, sweat, designer clothing, weights, the lot. The night I signed up it was very busy and there were no staff on hand to show me round and set me a programme. i was also with my husband and he wasn't keen to stick around. So, card in in hand - I left without so much as taking my coat off.

I then became aware of using language like 'I may' go to the gym on this day and 'I'll try to get there on.....' Not hugely committed to the cause. So, I decided to take a different approach. I thought about all possible excuses I may use to get me out of using my new gym facilities:
* I may not have time
* I may not feel happy about the clothes I brought
* I may get hungry
* I may be in late
I then decided on solutions to each of the above.
* I checked the time the gym closed so I knew when to leave my work in order to get there on time
* I brought a choice of 2 clothing garments
* i ate before I left
* I told my husband I would be in late as I was going to the gym

This meant, that come the time, I had nothing left in me other than going to gym. Try it, you'll likely frustrate yourself at first for having no wiggle room and then hopefully you'll realise the good you are doing.

Hope in The Help

I saw a preview of The Help at the cinema last night. I had not read the book beforehand and knew very little about what I was going to see.

I would highly recommend this movie as I felt quite moved by it. I won't give away any of it for those, like me, who may know nothing about it.

However, I love to see hope keeping people strong when there is little else to be motivated by and seeking opportunity when there appears to be none.

Go see it!

Have dones and to do's

I always find the month of October a little poignant. It's a time when the nights start getting darker and I always seem to reflect more than other months. I think this is perhaps down to its position within the calendar. It's a time where I feel I should have achieved the majority of my yearly 'to do' list and reaffirm if I am able to complete on those left before the year is over.

So, I would like to share some of my own key achievements as a way of self-coaching and giving myself a public pat on the back which is a great motivational tool and should spur me on to make a start on those activities which have been placed under the bed since January.

1/ I have travelled well this year with visits to Morocco, London, Dublin, THe Highlands, Stornoway, Inveraray and Portugal. Three of which I have never been to before.

2/ I set up a savings account and began paying into it regularly - it's not a big amount but it is a start.

3/ I set up a private pension (something that has been on my mind for years and I've finally nailed!).

4/ I ran a 10k in May - a massive achievement for me.

5/ I have achieved a steady flow of clients

6/ I bought my first piece of art (with husband)

7/ I regularly treat myself with massages, facials, spa days etc. This is one of the few ways I can totally relax so it's really important to me.

8/ I have challenged and changed my thinking about social events and really look forward to each one now rather than my previous negative thinking about how much of my time they were taking up.


If you have let your resolutions slip or if you've simply forgotten what you had planned for this year, take some time now to look back (I had to use my diary) on what you have been up to. It's best to do this with someone so you can share your experiences and praise one another for your efforts.

Quote of the day

People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

Run for your life

I have recently completed my first 10k race in Stornoway. This was a massive personal achievement for me.
I remember all too well two years ago when I was training for my first 5k, unable to imagine running for a whole thirty minutes. Once I had completed that, people quite rightly asked 'when are you doing a 10k?'. Again, my thoughts turned to negativity 'I can't imagine running for an hour'. During training for this, I realised I was getting closer to this target and flipped my thinking to 'imagine crossing that finish line'. Now that I have done this, I am now thinking about my next race. Although I am not yet signing up to a half marathon, I am NOT ruling it out. I have learned (or relearned) that you can push your body and moving the goal posts is an essential part of succeeding in life.

Make time, make the call, make a difference

I communicate very much how most people in this day and age do; email, text and facebook. In doing this, I often forget when the last time I actually spoke to someone was. It feels as though I am in constant contact with friends and family. Yet, if I sit down and think about when I last heard their voice, it becomes obvious I don't call people as much as I once did or as much as I may like. People may say that modern technology makes it easier to keep in touch with the ever increasing bank of people they meet. This may be so and although we perhaps know roughly what is going on in someone's life through 'tweets' or 'updates' we miss out on the personal connection that is made with face to face or telephone contact.

I think we also need to consider our thoughts about calling friends and family. I often challenge clients who use phrases such as 'I must get in touch with...' and 'I HAVE to meet up with...'. I ask them if they would be bothered if they never made the call or hooked up for lunch. Generally, when the thought process is unfolded, the negativity disappears. Clients realise that they do want to make the call and they enjoy spending time with the people they are putting off on. I'm not saying this is the case for every meeting but question yourself the next time you moan about ringing a friend for a chat or complain about having family round for dinner. Also, check in with yourself about how you are feeling after the contact is made. This is an important reflection which can change the way you think about the situation the next time.

These thoughts came about for me when I made the decision this week to speak to a number of people by phone. The best call was to a family member who was feeling low at the time. I didn't know she had been on her own for a few days. In fact, there were quite a few things I didn't know about her as it had been so long since I had last rang. Hearing my voice picked her mood right up and she finished the call saying 'you really made my day'. That felt really good. I then went on to ring around a number of other people I hadn't spoken to in a long time. By the end I was energised and geared up for several meetings with them in the near future.

So, put some quality time aside. Set up a night or two at the start of the week where you know you will phone around all the people you want to catch up with. Our lives appear busier these days and often we try to talk with people whilst carrying out another activity; making dinner, watching telly, checking email etc. Imagine how differently our conversations can be if we are giving our undivided attention to the other person.

Make lasting changes this new year.

Now is the time of year when people are already becoming disheartened by the fact their resolutions made only a matter of days ago, seem like a distant memory. Every year brings with it new hopes dreams and promises, yet for most, broken commitments to ourselves are already making us feel like failures. Why haven't we made it to the gym yet? Why is it that I'm already increasing my portion size? Why haven't I got round to updating that c.v.? The list goes on....
There are many reasons why new years resolutions don't work.

1/
You are going it alone. We tend to make resolutions for ourself rather than something two or more of you commit to do. This means we are only accountable for ourself. If we don't do it, who really cares? If we struggle one week, who is there to pick us up and motivate us to continue. If we do well, who notices and allows us the time to reflect and relish in our achievement? Do we even give ourself the time to focus in on what it is we are aiming for? By making a pact with a partner, friend or group of people will give you a much better chance at succeeding.

2/
It wasn't positive or exciting enough to even bother to do. Think about the things people usually commit to do with their new year ; loose weight, drink less, spend less money, stress less. The use of the words 'less' and 'loose' makes us automatically feel like we are giving something up. Which in turn makes it feel like our life is actually going to be worse off, or that the resolution is going to be difficult to achieve. And none of them bring with them an exciting image. We need to turn them around and imagine what it actually means to have achieved these things. So, by loosing weight I am actually gaining energy and self esteem and a new wardrobe and confidence and a healthy glow. By drinking less I am; more in control, experiencing brighter mornings, healthier inside. By spending less I am; growing savings, feeling safe and secure. You see how the wording can affect our emotional attachment to it and in turn our will power to achieve?

3/
You didn't make a plan. A resolution tends to be a bit of a throw away comment, regardless of how strongly you feel about it at the time. If it were anything more than that, you would have written it down (making a contract to yourself), shown it to as many people as you could (making others aware of your commitment) and planned the 'how'. How are you going to make this happen? This is the key to success. Otherwise, a resolution is simply a concept, something you would like but not something you plan to change. In order to make the change, you must make the plan. This should explore new innovative ways for you to move forward in your chosen area. Don't bang out the same few things you know can work. If they haven't in the past, they are unlikely to work for you this time.

4/ You stopped thinking about it. Come April/May, if you haven't been sticking to a plan and reflecting on progress you will likely have forgotten what you were trying to do in the first place. You must keep focussed. By giving yourself time to think about your achievements so far, you are able to remind yourself why you are doing it in the first place. Try to continually conjure up the image of what it will be like once you are there. This should help keep you motivated.

Don't forget, it can be very hard to do this alone. Working with a coach can help you in all the above areas as you have someone you are accountable to, someone you can reflect with and someone to assist you make the plan.

Consider this - have you spent more of your life complaining about what you could and should be and feeling bad about not taking action than the time you have to actually try out and make the changes? Nike is right 'Just Do It'.

Procrastination

I went for my first run yesterday in several months. I woke at 8am and finally left the house for my 20 minute jog at 10.30am. A full 2 1/2 hours later. In my head, I had to have breakfast first to keep my strength up. I had to wash the dishes and put a wash on (knowing I couldn't possibly leave the house with an electrical item on). So, I had to wait until the machine had finished its cycle. I had to get dressed which took longer than usual as it was my running gear. I had to fit my ipod into its arm band and find the podcast. I thought it best to peel the veg ready to make soup on my return. All this for a 20 minute run!

I'm sure you are reading this and thinking about similar things you procrastinate on.

I then read a small section in Psychologies magazine about ways to stop procrastination and thought I would share:

* Time what you do. Procrastinators very often overestimate how long things take. Therefore, making it easier to make excuses. 'That'll take me 3 hours, I don't have time for that'. Does it REALLY take that long?

* Do the hard/tricky things in 15 minute slots with breaks in between and reward yourself on completion

* Reduce the time between noting when something needs done and you actually doing it. The longer you put it off, the bigger it becomes in your mind.

* Stop waiting for the perfect time to act on something. It doesn't exist.

Some good advice I think.

I just want to leave you with one of my favourite quotes 'Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow'. ~ Gerald Vaughan

Canadian Adventure Film Festival

I am always on the lookout for stories that motivate and inspire me. I think it can be difficult sometimes to feel positive all of the time and to have other people's achievements in the back of your head can help boost your morale when it is otherwise low.

I recently went to see a couple of films as part of the Canadian Adventure Film Festival. My intentions at this time were not to feel uplifted and inspired. I, quite simply, had free tickets and I love a freebie. I am also partial to adventure docu-films. They make me film invigorated.

So, I was delighted to leave the cinema feeling pleased about obtaining a free ticket, invigorated and inspired!

The two films I saw were; The Asgard Project and Madagascar Maverick. I urge you to look them up. They really do make you realise that anything is possible if you want it badly enough.

Enjoy

http://www.adventurefest.co.uk

Is Day Dreaming Good For You?

I am just returning from a fabulous weekend in and around London. It had everything; time with family, time with friends, time with my husband, an anniversary celebration, tourist attractions, many modes of transport, good food, plush drinking establishments, planned things, non-planned things. As I make the journey home, I realise I am both relaxed and bustling from the previous days excitement.

As we sat on the London rush hour bus this morning trying to navigate our way to the train station, my mind wandered as I peered out the crowded window. The sun shone and filtered through the trees looking onto inviting parks. I noticed some bicycles parked outside a large grassy square and one in particular caught my attention. It seemed dreadfully old fashioned with a woven basket on the front. I can’t imagine there were many, if any, gears on the thing.

I began then to drift into a scenario where this bike belonged to me. I imagined getting up on such a sunny morning as this one, throwing my hair back in a bobble and putting on a knee length flowery dress before slipping on some comfy white plimsole style shoes and heading out of my apartment. I would have brought some sandwiches with me to place into the basket when I got to my bike. I imagined no prescribed destination. I would simply get on and start pedalling and see where the mood took me. This would most definitely end up at some fresh food market where I would disembark my bicycle in order to converse with the sellers and fill my basket further with vitamin bursting fruit and veg, picked only hours previous. I would have worked up a bit of an appetite and suddenly remembered my sandwich. I would ride, skirt billowing gently around my knees, to a lush park where I would lye back in the sun and have lunch in my own company. I may even snooze for a bit.

And with a calming smile on my face, I realised it was time to get off the bus. I had clean forgotten about the sweaty commuters, the lack of seats for all the bodies, the spring poking out the base of my chair into my bottom and the slow speed at which the bus had been crawling along at.

For what could have been a semi aggressive, frustrated and lengthy journey ended up in the romance of my imagination. I experienced many of the after effects of a small meditative session.

I realise as I am writing this that I have, in the past, hinted towards using spare time wisely. So, journeys can be used to catch up on all the things you may not have squeezed in at home. However, I really feel there is a time for day dreaming too. So, the next time you’re agitated by a journey you are making for whatever reason, try to drift off into a warming world of old fashioned push bikes!

Lovely Feedback

I have just had some lovely feedback from a client after a very successful coaching journey. I received a beautiful card to thank me for my services. This client had (at the end of the coaching) received a promotion at work.

The feedback said 'I feel like I have a fulfilled life. I am content. I am happy and more aware of myself. I know what I want and I have the balls to go for it.'
Then continued with 'The coaching process was an amazing journey. I have learned so much about myself and discovered things I didn't know or wasn't aware of before. I started coaching at a time when I was really unhappy, most of which came from my job. So, I was looking to find out what types of jobs suit my qualifications and personality. But just after the first few sessions, it turned out not to be about my job, but just about myself and it was great to have someone whose 'duty' it is to listen to you and give constructive criticism and analysis.'

The turnaround with this client was truly amazing and they absolutely threw themselves into the process, committing to change from session 1. This client only had 6 sessions! What an inspiration and well done on your achievements.

New 5 minute coaching video

After much time, I have made my 7th coaching video. This one is on 'Positive Thinking'. Please email any suggestions, comments or questions as usual. Thanks and enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/user/lustforlifecoaching#p/a/u/0/yFUdu0kf_p4

Recommended book

I was recommended this book some time ago and finally got round to buying it. I haven't quite finished it yet but I am thoroughly enjoying it. Nice easy to understand language and to the point comment.
So, if your looking for a bit of a pick me up book but know you need some no nonsense help - pick up a copy of this.

How to find a Life Coach who's right for you

I am always interested to find out where my clients find out about me. It is obviously good for my market research. Most come upon me by a google search. However, how do they know I am right for them before they make an appointment to meet me?

I am quite explicit about who I am on my website; it details my background, my studies into Life Coaching and it has a (now quite dated) picture of me. But is this enough? And what if someone looking to find a coach to fit their needs has to spend hours trawling coaches websites to find a good match? Are they not likely to give in before they even start on a coaching journey?

I also make it quite clear to people I meet that they should take time to think about who they want to work with, maybe meet with a few coaches before making a commitment. I am not and have never been 'scared of competition'. I don't even see other coaches as competition because we are talking about human lives and we as coaches have a responsibility to our clients. We should offer choice and accept we may not always be the best choice for that individual. It is a financial commitment for people to work with a coach and this must be respected by those taking the money.

I always let my clients know my course is recognised by the ICF which is crucial in this line of work. At a time (not for long thankfully) where anyone can claim to be a coach, our clients should be able to make an informed decision about this based on qualifications. Many don't even question training in their lead up to finding a coach.

So, I want to finish by highlighting a website which brings all of this information together. Those looking for specific/niche help in a coach will be able to find it here. They can rest assured that qualifications count before being welcomed onto this site as a coach (mine are currently being verified but I should appear soon!). There is lots of choice with many coaches from many backgrounds. I also like the fact that fees are explicit. I for one am not keen to contact people offering services without the cost - what is there to hide?

The Life Coach Directory is a network of Life Coaches all based in the UK, each coach listed has had their qualifications and insurance checked thoroughly, so all visitors to the site can be assured of their professionalism. Visitors to the site can search by their county, town or postcode to help them find a Life Coach in their area.

The Life Coach Directory also has lots of information and advice on the areas life coaching can help with, including career, confidence, stress and work/life balance. This is a free an confidential service for all to use.

You can see my profile with the Life Coach Directory here Kelly Thacker - Lustforlife

Cant find time to read?

I love reading. I like to read a range of things; cooking magazines, self help journals, personal development books, fiction and more. I love talking about reading and referencing my thoughts and opinions from books that have struck a chord with me on some level.

However, these last few months have been particularly busy for me. I am juggling many different projects as well as continuing and growing the personal coaching side of my business. The other day I was struck by how little I had read this year. I have been given a highly recommended book to read which has sent me straight into a deep sleep three nights in a row after only a handful of pages. I was involved (or not as the case was) in a discussion about recently released books. I couldn't comment due to the lack of reading on my part. I have to admit to being a little embarrassed about this.

I imagine many people are in a similar boat to me; too busy to read during the day and too tired to read at night. I suddenly wasn't happy however with the solution being no books being read at all. So, I continued to engage in this conversation regarding books. One of the party involved may just have the answer. I was expecting it to be something that would create a hook for me, a new level of motivation, some vision that would somehow make me want to grab a book and read it from cover to cover. And came it did but much simpler than anything I could have figured out alone.

Audiobooks. Yes, simple but brilliant. A resource created for those who struggle to read. Well that was me. Not due to bad eyesight but lack of time and energy. And stop right now those thoughts of the elderly collecting their huge plastic encased tapes from the local library. I had those too. Having looked into it I found we have advanced hugely since those days and the internet provides vast amounts of new releases ready to be downloaded onto those modern gadgets; ipods and mp3's.

In a fast paced world there are still the resources to help us partake in the activities we wish, we just have to find them. And when we do? Pass them on.....