I communicate very much how most people in this day and age do; email, text and facebook. In doing this, I often forget when the last time I actually spoke to someone was. It feels as though I am in constant contact with friends and family. Yet, if I sit down and think about when I last heard their voice, it becomes obvious I don't call people as much as I once did or as much as I may like. People may say that modern technology makes it easier to keep in touch with the ever increasing bank of people they meet. This may be so and although we perhaps know roughly what is going on in someone's life through 'tweets' or 'updates' we miss out on the personal connection that is made with face to face or telephone contact.
I think we also need to consider our thoughts about calling friends and family. I often challenge clients who use phrases such as 'I must get in touch with...' and 'I HAVE to meet up with...'. I ask them if they would be bothered if they never made the call or hooked up for lunch. Generally, when the thought process is unfolded, the negativity disappears. Clients realise that they do want to make the call and they enjoy spending time with the people they are putting off on. I'm not saying this is the case for every meeting but question yourself the next time you moan about ringing a friend for a chat or complain about having family round for dinner. Also, check in with yourself about how you are feeling after the contact is made. This is an important reflection which can change the way you think about the situation the next time.
These thoughts came about for me when I made the decision this week to speak to a number of people by phone. The best call was to a family member who was feeling low at the time. I didn't know she had been on her own for a few days. In fact, there were quite a few things I didn't know about her as it had been so long since I had last rang. Hearing my voice picked her mood right up and she finished the call saying 'you really made my day'. That felt really good. I then went on to ring around a number of other people I hadn't spoken to in a long time. By the end I was energised and geared up for several meetings with them in the near future.
So, put some quality time aside. Set up a night or two at the start of the week where you know you will phone around all the people you want to catch up with. Our lives appear busier these days and often we try to talk with people whilst carrying out another activity; making dinner, watching telly, checking email etc. Imagine how differently our conversations can be if we are giving our undivided attention to the other person.
