I have a very good friend who was round a week or so ago for a catch up. Little wine was involved, yet somehow we managed to dip into some deep philosophical conversation about life and relationships.
I was discussing a chapter in a book I am reading about not expecting things to last. I know this sounds negative but I believe it is quite the contrary. You are not expecting it NOT to last. You simply have no expectations at all. This way if it doesn't, you are not disappointed. If it does, fantastic! You stop living your life in fear of things coming to an end and can enjoy things for what they are in that given moment.
My friend began then to talk about this being applied to relationships. She rather beautifully (I wish I could remember exact words) said that she does not need her current relationship to work. This may sound startling but keep with me. She knows that should it come to an end, she will be able to cope with the situation. Its not that she NEEDS to be in the relationship (this becomes too controlling) but she WANTS to be in it. Thus making each day count, making every moment special and truly appreciating one another. It is being in this very relationship that gives her strength to be her own person and cope in the event of it ending. And ironically, it is this kind of insight that is likely to keep them together 'forever'.
A brief comparison with her previous relationship pinpointed the fatal flaws. She had stopped WANTING to be in the relationship a long time before it ended but the relationship had zapped her of the strength to know it would be okay to be on her own. She felt she NEEDED to remain as a couple.
So, lets always appreciate what we have at that moment in time and not project too much emphasis on the future and how long things will last. This should make for happier people. :)
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