Understanding and coping with change

Change throughout life is inevitable, yet we still seem unprepared when it happens to us. Maybe that is the key; change happening to us rather than something we have instigated ourselves.

For example, if we have planned to have a family and we get pregnant and then have a baby we are more or less ready for this by the time it happens. Mother nature kindly gave us 9 months to get our head round the idea even if it were a surprise conception. However, if we walk into work on a Monday morning to be told we are no longer needed, this is a blow. Even with the economic market the way it is, we are still unprepared for something of this magnitude.

It is important to follow our personal changes in life in order to cope with situations where change is out with our control. I have coached a client who was faced with redundancy and although this had been a potential risk factor for a number of months, it was too shocking to deal with alone when it happened. We worked together for a number of sessions and discovered the route of the problem was the inability to move forward due to a lack of awareness of what inspired her. She had no idea what she wanted to do. She knew the job she had been in was not right for her but it was ‘comfortable’ and she could get by doing it. Finally, having accepted the changes that had occurred to her over a number of years she was able to build up a new data of her values and beliefs in life. She almost rewrote who she was. This gave her the confidence to venture deeper and discover what she wanted to do. ‘If only I had kept track of who I was as I was changing, this would have been much easier and quicker’. She was right.

We get too caught up in living our lives that we rarely, if ever, stop to reflect. Reflection is a critical part of understanding who we are at any given time. It is easy for us to avoid this, especially in a society where the media are so geared up to tell us what we think. Someone else is doing the hard part for us.

I worked with another client who was having difficulty with a friendship. This friendship had been a good one for years and they were struggling to understand why suddenly there was a huge rift between them. We documented the pattern of the friendship since it had begun. We catalogued important changes. On doing this, my client realised that they had been drifting apart for a number of years. They were now too far down the line to rectify the situation and they felt easier about ending the friendship. Had they met today, they would never have been friends. By understanding changes that happen as they happen, we have two choices. Do you want to alter something to keep the friendship together or are you happy to let the change take place with the possibility of drifting apart? This prevents the situation above where it becomes shocking that a friendship no longer works. We stop believing our friend is the person they were when we met them. We understand we too are different.

Change is always easier when it is something we have driven. We should however, be ready to cope with changes that happen to us. Take time each day or once a week to reflect on situations with friends and family, news stories and work issues. This way we will be more ready to accept as we will have confidence in our decisions.