Who dares to be a selfish parent?

Becoming a parent requires so much care and attention, some may say you need to be totally selfless. Particularly for a first time parent, it is overwhelming and time consuming. Your child is in your every thought and your focus is 100% on them.

As you nurture your child through their early years, your own life often pales into insignificance. It isn't as important. You know what you are doing. What you do from day to day (whether at home or back at work) is a habit, you don't even need to think about it. Your child on the other hand needs help and encouragement in all areas of their life. So, this is what you do.

What happens though when your child begins to gain their own independence and you have a little more 'me' time? What if your first child is followed by another? Do you keep repeating the cycle of 24/7 devotion?

The fact of the matter is, you will always love your child and care for them as best you can. It doesn't mean you need to give up entirely on your own life. Parents deserve to give their lives some thought during this time too. It doesn't mean you are not being a good parent, quite the contrary. Becoming a parent inevitably changes you. Your values and priorities change. You begin looking at the world from different eyes almost. Change however, is the one thing people fear most. If we don't allow ourselves time to investigate and think through the changes that are happening to us, we will forever feel stuck in the body and mind of the 'you' that was. This can lead to frustration and anxiety.

It may be that parenting has consumed so much of your thoughts and time that by the time your child reaches 6/7, you have totally lost sight of who you are as a person. Remember, you are always a person with hopes and beliefs. Nobody is just 'mum' or 'dad'. Surely you want your child to be telling their friends that 'mum is part of a sailing crew' or 'my dad runs his own business' or whatever it is. This helps them realise the things they can achieve too, as well as seeing you as people.

It is important to find time to collect your thoughts. This may be to remind yourself of who you were before, who you are now and what you want to achieve in the future. There may be elements of the person you were that you wish to hold onto and some that are no longer relevant. Deciphering the person you have become can be tricky but by talking this through with someone can help give you clarity. Recording your achievments so far is a great way of encouraging you to make plans to achieve more. By verbalising your goals for the future, you are making a contract with yourself in front of a witness and therefore more likely to carry it through. There is no real pay off if plans in your head don't materialise as nobody else has heard them.Working with a Life Coach is a great way to help rediscover yourself and find a healthy work/life balance. It works because it gives you an hour a fortnight of uniterrupted time where you can talk through and make sense of your new life as a parent. It will inspire you to take action and make a plan for your immediate future and begin achieving in the area of your life you wish.

Working with a coach will motivate you and give you all the tools you need to complete the process again on your own, once you've discovered your next venture